The Artist I Was Afraid to Be

Have you ever resisted a part of yourself that’s been trying to emerge for years?

That quiet voice that says there’s more to me than this — but you keep silencing it because life feels too demanding, too practical, too full?

For me, that voice was the artist inside me.

For decades, I resisted calling myself an artist. Growing up, art was never spoken about as an option. Livelihood meant stability. Success meant following a linear path — study hard, get a good job, and work your way up. And for a long time, I was fine with that. I loved being a student. I was curious, disciplined, and eager to learn. Eventually, though, I realized that my greatest joy came not from achievement, but from expression.

I loved to write, to paint, to create beauty.

Whether it was decorating my home, planting a garden, or writing a paper, it was the creative process itself that lit me up — the feeling of bringing something meaningful into being. But as a single mother raising two children, I didn’t have the luxury of following my muse. I needed stability, so I built a career in education and leadership. The work was purposeful and demanding — and it left little space for art.

Then something terrible and extraordinary happened: I was diagnosed with cancer.

My body and mind could no longer keep up with the structure of a traditional job. What at first felt like a devastating loss slowly revealed itself as an unexpected gift.

The universe wasn’t just granting me permission to create — it was insisting on it.

After resigning from my full-time role as a school leader, doors began to open in the most surprising ways. I was invited to exhibit my artwork in a gallery. A nonprofit asked me to join its board.

Though I no longer earn what I once did, I now live each day doing what I love — painting, writing, creating, and contributing in ways that nourish my soul.

It’s humbling to admit that it took cancer to push me toward the artist I always was. But here I am — living, creating, healing — and choosing to see this new chapter for what it truly is: a gift.

If this story resonated, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. You can also subscribe to receive future reflections on courage, healing, and creative renewal straight to your inbox by subscribing to my Substack: https://substack.com/@rosannaleadingbravely